GLOSSARY OF THEATRE TERMS

Actors (as defined by a set designer): People who stand between the
audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view. That's also the
origin of the word "blocking," by the way.

Assistant Director: Individual willing to undertake special projects
that nobody else would take on a bet, such as working one-on-one with the
brain-dead actor whom the rest of the cast has threatened to take out a
contract on.

Bedroom Farce: Any play which requires various states of undress on stage
and whose set sports a lot of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which
feature the phrase "typical community theater fare" in the opening
paragraph, are followed paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule 
more performances to accommodate the overflow crowds.

Bit Part: An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to
count everybody else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has
the smallest part in the show.

Blocking: The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not
to collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other.
Similar to playing chess, except that the pawns want to argue with you.

Blocking Rehearsal: A rehearsal taking place early in the production
schedule where actors frantically write down movements which will be
nowhere in evidence by opening night.

Dark Night: The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so
the actors and crew can go home and get some well-deserved rest, and
instead spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because 
they're sure they needed one more rehearsal.

Dark Spot: An area of the stage which the lighting designer has
inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for
the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.

Director: The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she
is responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in
the local review.

Dress Rehearsal: Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as
actors attempt to maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer
added at 7:30 that evening.

Eternity: The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line.

The Forebrain: The part of an actors brain which contains lines,
blocking and characterization; activated by hot lights.

Green Room: Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and
the precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter
that night, a situation which can result in justifiable homicide.

Hands: Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating
one's environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their
normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to
hide in your pockets.

The Hindbrain: The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running
subtext in the background while the forebrain is trying to act; the
hindbrain supplies a constant stream of unwanted information, such 
as who is sitting in the second row tonight, a notation to seriously 
maim the crew member who thought it would be funny to put real Tabasco 
sauce in the fake BloodyMarys, or the fact that you need to do laundry 
on Sunday.

Lighting Director: Individual who, from the only vantage point offering
a full view of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by
announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong.

Makeup Kit:
1) among experienced community theater actors, a battered
tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages
of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby
pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry,
break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of 
half-melted cough drops; 
2) for first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they
can borrow.

Message Play: Any play which its director describes as worthwhile,
a challenge to actors and audience alike, or designed to make the
audience think. Critics will be impressed both by the daring material
and the roomy accommodations, since they're likely to have the house all
to themselves.

Monologue: That shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single
actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save
him.

Prop: A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30
seconds before it is needed on stage.

Quality Theater: Any show with which you were directly involved.

Set: An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies
the laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to
occupy the same amount of space

Set Piece: Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use
as a safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent
attempt to both anchor themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating
off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually 
have legs.

Stage Crew: Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping
with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second
bursts of mindless panic.

Stage Manager: Individual responsible for overseeing the crew,
supervising the set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the
director in a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just 
decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic 
tricks while he serves the tea.

Stage Right, Stage Left: Two simple directions actors pretend not to
understand in order to drive directors crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage
right!")

Strike: The time immediately following the last performance while all
cast and crew members are required to stay and dismantle, or watch the two
people who own Makita screw drivers dismantle, the set.

Tech Week: The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed
to be done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches
its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack
catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known as Hell
Week.

Turkey: Every show with which you were not directly involved.